{"id":1068,"date":"2020-05-31T15:21:21","date_gmt":"2020-05-31T19:21:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/?p=1068"},"modified":"2020-12-10T18:51:55","modified_gmt":"2020-12-10T22:51:55","slug":"the-color-of-my-writing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2020\/05\/31\/the-color-of-my-writing\/","title":{"rendered":"THE COLOR OF MY WRITING"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou do not belong here.\u201d<\/span>
\n\u2013 Jaquira D\u00edaz<\/span><\/p>\n

In my America<\/span><\/strong>
\nEarlier this year, as I delved into the personal essay form, I<\/span> couldn\u2019t help but gasp when I read the following lines in a piece written by Jaquira D\u00edaz: \u201cIn my America, a white woman at a writers\u2019 conference tells me I look like a gang member, and the next day, a completely different white woman asks, ‘Are those gang signs?’\u201d D\u00edaz\u2019s essay\u2014stitched together with raw and delicious honesty\u2014took me back to May 2017, when I decided to explore the intimidating yet fascinating world of writing retreats. I found out The Sun<\/em>\u2019s artists\u2019 retreat was a short three-hour drive from where I live, so I thought, why not?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

The retreat<\/strong><\/span>
\n\u201cThomas Dixon wanted this artistic space filled with white people,\u201d the spokesperson for Wildacres Retreat says, taking the crowded auditorium on a journey through the history of the gorgeous conference center situated atop a mountain near the Blue Ridge Parkway. \u201cGood thing the Great Depression swooped in and destroyed his dream, right?\u201d All the heads nod in agreement\u2014what a terrible thing that would have been! As I gaze around the room, I imagine Dixon jumping up and down celebrating the way things turned out.<\/span>
\nThis reality hit me twenty minutes earlier when I had to face a dining room full of people eerily similar to the folks I left behind in the rural East Tennessee town where I live. I thought I was taking a break from that, immersing myself in a group of diverse, culturally-aware, open-minded writers. So close to Asheville, surrounded by readers of The Sun<\/em> … I should have stepped into a different world, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

Are you a dreamer?<\/span><\/strong>
\nAs the second day of the retreat folds into a fiery sunset, I nestle in one of the rocking chairs lining the deck across a magical forest. Blue mountains tower over luscious treetops while timid leaves dance around us in shimmery whispers. Settling into the rhythmic rocking of the chair, the stress and fear of being around strangers start to fade away with the sun.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"

The author moments before the question.<\/p><\/div>\n

The mountain breeze soothes me. The red wine sipped from a plastic cup warms my heart. This is it: a moment of pure happiness. My soul is about to melt into the brilliant blue sky when suddenly … crash!<\/em> Like a grey cloud summoned out of nowhere, an unwanted presence invades my sacred space. No introductions, no small talk, a white woman stands in front of me. Lovely view blocked and moment of bliss stomped all over, her question silences the leaves. “So … are you the DREAMer?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Privacy is not for everyone<\/span><\/strong>
\nA few hours earlier, in the same auditorium in which Dixon\u2019s dream had been judged the day before, the editorial director of The Sun<\/em> offered a short Q&A session to close the first day of workshops. One of the attendees thought it would be OK to ask what type of topics the editor had discussed in the private meetings some of the participants had been able to schedule with him beforehand. I was confident that surely, the editor of such a prestigious magazine would remind this lady of the meaning of the word ‘private.’ I was wrong.<\/span>
\nWithout disclosing names, The Sun<\/em>\u2019s director proceeded to relay the nature of some of those private (I keep repeating this word hoping for a different outcome) meetings. Among the conversations revealed, he said that one of the scholarship recipients\u2014someone who was a DREAMer\u2014asked if he thought it was safe to keep a blog regarding the plight of her (he did reveal the identifying pronoun) undocumented parents. I felt a sting, like an impertinent bee had just decided to mess up my day out in the sun\u2014pun intended. As per Dixon\u2019s dream, I could only count two persons of color in the room.<\/span>
\nGreat<\/em>, I thought. They will think that it is one of us.<\/em> But I shooed away those words telling my paranoid self to stop being afraid of people\u2014and geared up for a pleasant afternoon in the mountains.<\/span><\/p>\n

Am I a writer of color?<\/span><\/strong>
\nFor a while\u2014long before the writing retreat\u2014I had been struggling with identifying myself as a writer of color in this country. I was born and grew up in South America, in a place where I did not have to deal\u2014at least not in a blatant manner\u2014with discrimination based on my skin color. Of course there is racism in my home country\u2014just like everywhere else\u2014but in Latin America, it seems subtler; though I am happy to report this is changing, it was not overtly spoken and written about or challenged while I was growing up.<\/span>
\nAs I read and learned more about some of the fascinating authors who identify as writers of color, I started to fear I would not be able to claim my place in their world. My parents and ancestors did not emigrate to this country in pursue of a better life, nor did I have to flee the dangers of civil or drug wars. Little by little, I convinced myself that since I did not share their background and their struggles, I did not have the right to call myself a writer of color.<\/span><\/p>\n

The color of my writing<\/span><\/strong>
\nD\u00edaz\u2019s essay confronted me with the uncomfortable truth. As an immigrant living in the South for the past eight years, I have experienced more prejudice than what I would like to admit\u2014not only because of the way I look, but also because of my South American accent. And even though I\u2019ve reconciled with most of those experiences, they are still part of who I am as a writer. As a person.<\/span>
\nIt has taken some serious journaling and introspection\u2014along with reading essays by writers of color\u2014but I\u2019ve come to the realization that I don\u2019t have to see myself completely in a determined group of people in order to identify with their values and literary work. Just like all immigrant stories are different, it turns out that I also get to own my story as a writer of color. Yes, I can bring my own color and perspective to the magnificent quilt of U.S. Latino Literature.<\/span>
\nAs I continue exploring and fine-tuning my writing voice, I\u2019ve often wondered if I should shy away from literary spaces that are not geared to a diverse community of writers. The answer I keep coming back to is a big NO. I must show up to those spaces. I must share my work, let my stories complicate stereotypes and unsettle assumptions. I believe that our love for words has the power to unite us beyond any differences or misconceptions. I want to help other writers and readers\u2014and myself in the process\u2014expand and enrich our cultural awareness and, in this way also, like D\u00edaz advocates, \u201cexpand and explore all the things writing can be.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\"\"Melanie M\u00e1rquez Adams<\/strong><\/a> is an Ecuadorian American writer, author the short story collection <\/em>Mariposas Negras<\/a> and <\/em>Querencia: Cr\u00f3nicas de una latinoamericana en USA<\/a>. She holds an MFA in Spanish Creative Writing from the University of Iowa where she was an Iowa Arts Fellow. More recently, her work has appeared in\u00a0<\/em>Puerta del Sol\u00a0(forthcoming),\u00a0<\/em>Laurel Review,\u00a0<\/em>Launch Ticket,\u00a0<\/em>Huella Magazine, and <\/em>Escritorxs Salvajes: 37 Hispanic Writers in the United States. <\/em><\/a>An International Latino Book Award winner, Melanie translated\u00a0Layla F. Saad’s\u00a0<\/em>Me and White Supremacy<\/a> for Penguin Random House Espa\u00f1ol<\/em>. Follow her:<\/em> @melmarquezadams<\/a>, melmarquezadams<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou do not belong here.\u201d \u2013 Jaquira D\u00edaz In my America Earlier this year, as I delved into the personal essay form, I couldn\u2019t help but gasp when I read the following lines in a piece written by Jaquira D\u00edaz: \u201cIn my America, a white woman at a writers\u2019 conference tells me I look like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":1235,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[181],"tags":[270,279,267,272,261,285,231,262,276,278,280,271,260,273,268,283,275,184,269,281,277,264,274,284,266,282,188,265,263],"yoast_head":"\nTHE COLOR OF MY WRITING - Spanglish Voces Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2020\/05\/31\/the-color-of-my-writing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"THE COLOR OF MY WRITING - Spanglish Voces Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cYou do not belong here.\u201d \u2013 Jaquira D\u00edaz In my America Earlier this year, as I delved into the personal essay form, I couldn\u2019t help but gasp when I read the following lines in a piece written by Jaquira D\u00edaz: \u201cIn my America, a white woman at a writers\u2019 conference tells me I look like […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2020\/05\/31\/the-color-of-my-writing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Spanglish Voces Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-05-31T19:21:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-12-10T22:51:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/will-porada-eM3YNw__OAU-unsplash-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Melanie M\u00e1rquez-Adams\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Melanie M\u00e1rquez-Adams\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2020\/05\/31\/the-color-of-my-writing\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2020\/05\/31\/the-color-of-my-writing\/\",\"name\":\"THE COLOR OF MY WRITING - 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