{"id":2767,"date":"2023-07-05T21:16:10","date_gmt":"2023-07-06T01:16:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/?p=2767"},"modified":"2023-07-05T21:18:00","modified_gmt":"2023-07-06T01:18:00","slug":"explaining-ptsd-to-my-boyfriend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2023\/07\/05\/explaining-ptsd-to-my-boyfriend\/","title":{"rendered":"explaining ptsd to my boyfriend"},"content":{"rendered":"

you exaggerate<\/span>
\nevery single part of your life<\/span>
\nis what he likes to say to me <\/span>
\nwhen we fight<\/span>
\nand he knows that he\u2019s wrong<\/span><\/p>\n

hurting me intentionally is easier<\/span>
\nthan admitting he hurts me <\/span>
\nwith his words<\/span>
\nevery single day<\/span><\/p>\n

you ruin everything<\/span>
\nis what he likes to say to me <\/span>
\nwhen i stand up for myself<\/span>
\nwhen i use my voice to say he\u2019s hurt me<\/span><\/p>\n

why do you like to cause fights he says<\/span>
\ni don\u2019t want to fight i yell<\/span>
\nmy body is already<\/span>
\na museum of trauma and <\/span>
\neach piece is dedicated to <\/span>
\nthe fights i\u2019ve had to fight<\/span>
\nto stay alive<\/span><\/p>\n

i just want to be respected <\/span>
\nby the person i love<\/span>
\nbut my mind says <\/span>
\nthat\u2019s asking for too much<\/span>
\nor else he wouldn\u2019t be so mad about this<\/span>
\nhe wouldn\u2019t accuse me of ruining everything<\/span>
\nhe wouldn\u2019t call my feelings <\/span>
\nstupid<\/span>
\ninsignificant<\/span>
\nminimal<\/span>
\noutdated<\/span>
\nincomprehensible<\/span>
\nso i just say okay<\/span>
\ni\u2019m sorry<\/span><\/p>\n

when i was little my mom told me a story about la llorona<\/span>
\na woman who lost her kids<\/span>
\nand now walks around<\/span>
\nin the woods at night<\/span>
\ncrying for eternity<\/span>
\nlooking for them<\/span>
\nbut never finding them <\/span>
\nbecause they died<\/span><\/p>\n

this is how i picture my trauma <\/span>
\nan ominous, ghostly figure <\/span>
\nwalking around my mind<\/span>
\nwalking around my body<\/span><\/p>\n

looking for someone that doesn\u2019t exist anymore <\/span>
\nand reminding me of everything that i\u2019ve lost<\/span>
\nand everything i fear<\/span>
\nand everything that could ever go wrong<\/span><\/p>\n

trauma is a silent witness<\/span>
\nshe doesn\u2019t talk<\/span>
\nshe listens<\/span>
\nshe watches<\/span>
\nand then she makes me do the ruining <\/span>
\nthe breaking<\/span>
\nthe shattering<\/span>
\nthe hurting<\/span>
\nso that she won\u2019t have to<\/span><\/p>\n

you exaggerate <\/span>
\nevery single part of your life<\/span>
\nis what he likes to say to me <\/span>
\nwhen we fight<\/span>
\nnot remembering that i am a survivor<\/span>
\nthat i am used to people <\/span>
\nnot believing me<\/span>
\nthat some days <\/span>
\ni don\u2019t even believe myself<\/span><\/p>\n

because that\u2019s what trauma does<\/span>
\nthat\u2019s what ptsd does<\/span>
\nthat\u2019s what dissociation does<\/span><\/p>\n

i don\u2019t exaggerate things that matter<\/span>
\nmy heart wants me to scream<\/span>
\ni don\u2019t exaggerate my feelings<\/span>
\nmy heart wants me to scream<\/span>
\ni don\u2019t exaggerate my pain<\/span>
\nmy heart wants me to scream<\/span><\/p>\n

but my trauma sits down and says<\/span>
\nmaybe you are dramatic<\/span>
\nmaybe you are ruining everything<\/span>
\nmaybe that\u2019s what you\u2019re good at<\/span><\/p>\n

it\u2019s almost impossible to walk away from her lies<\/span><\/p>\n

but i look at him and say<\/span>
\ni don\u2019t know if you mean to do this<\/span>
\nbut when you tell a survivor <\/span>
\nof sexual assault<\/span><\/p>\n

who has shared their trauma with you<\/span>
\nlike me<\/span>
\nthat i exaggerate <\/span>
\nevery single part of my life<\/span>
\nthe first thing <\/span>
\nthat comes into my mind is <\/span>
\nmy trauma<\/span>
\nand how it\u2019s clear <\/span>
\nthat you don\u2019t believe me<\/span>
\njust like the rest of the world<\/span><\/p>\n

he gets silent and says <\/span>
\nhe didn\u2019t mean that<\/span>
\nand in that moment i realize <\/span>
\nthat he really doesn\u2019t understand<\/span>
\nbecause he is a man <\/span>
\nwho has never had to fight<\/span>
\nto be believed<\/span><\/p>\n

he once told me he\u2019s so glad <\/span>
\nhe\u2019s a man because being a woman <\/span>
\njust seems so difficult<\/span>
\ni nodded and said <\/span>
\nyou\u2019re really lucky<\/span><\/p>\n

being a woman in this world <\/span>
\nin this day <\/span>
\nin this age<\/span>
\nis a stadium filled<\/span>
\nwith every single thing<\/span>
\nperson<\/span>
\nthought<\/span>
\netc <\/span>
\nthat you\u2019re afraid of<\/span>
\nor have ever been afraid of<\/span>
\nlooking at you<\/span>
\ntelling you lies<\/span>
\nthrowing things at you<\/span>
\nlike every failure<\/span>
\nor every sadness<\/span>
\nevery single day of your life<\/span><\/p>\n

and there\u2019s no way for you to leave<\/span>
\nbecause the stadium is locked <\/span>
\nby a lot of things<\/span>
\ni. the patriarchy<\/span>
\nii. misogyny<\/span>
\niii. men<\/span>
\niv. my trauma<\/span><\/p>\n

and the one who holds the key<\/span>
\nv. me<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"Cristina Flores-Gil is a writer and student originally from Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. She has a bachelor\u2019s degree in English literature with a focus on anthropology and Latin American Studies from the University of Florida. She also has a master\u2019s degree in Educational Leadership from the University of Central Florida and is currently pursuing a doctoral degree in Prevention Science with the hopes of preventing sexual assault on college campuses. She can usually be found watching reality tv or a true crime show on Netflix. She currently resides in Orlando, Florida, with her 7-year-old dog, Fenway.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

you exaggerate every single part of your life is what he likes to say to me when we fight and he knows that he\u2019s wrong hurting me intentionally is easier than admitting he hurts me with his words every single day you ruin everything is what he likes to say to me when i stand […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":70,"featured_media":2769,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[78,883],"tags":[886,184],"yoast_head":"\nexplaining ptsd to my boyfriend - Spanglish Voces Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2023\/07\/05\/explaining-ptsd-to-my-boyfriend\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"explaining ptsd to my boyfriend - Spanglish Voces Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"you exaggerate every single part of your life is what he likes to say to me when we fight and he knows that he\u2019s wrong hurting me intentionally is easier than admitting he hurts me with his words every single day you ruin everything is what he likes to say to me when i stand […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2023\/07\/05\/explaining-ptsd-to-my-boyfriend\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Spanglish Voces Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-07-06T01:16:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-07-06T01:18:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/Screenshot-2023-04-11-at-11.28.10-AM-Cristina-Flores.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1140\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1486\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Cristina Flores-Gil\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Cristina Flores-Gil\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2023\/07\/05\/explaining-ptsd-to-my-boyfriend\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/index.php\/2023\/07\/05\/explaining-ptsd-to-my-boyfriend\/\",\"name\":\"explaining ptsd to my boyfriend - 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