\u00bfQuien me ense\u00f1\u00f3 a bajar la cabeza,
\na esconder mi cuerpo,
\ny callar mi voz?<\/p>\n
La que me pari\u00f3:
\nconditioned to seduce,
\nnever boys I yearned for;
\nmen effortlessly amused.
\na cult forced upon us
\njudgments and beatings,
\nfatuous limitations,<\/p>\n
the duplicity of her actions,
\ncriticisms and contempt.<\/p>\n
\u00c9l que me engendr\u00f3:
\na narcissist,
\nsex-crazed,
\ncharismatic bodeguero,
\ndiscovered my body was suitable for friction.
\ntaught at four to flatter with the batting of my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<<\u00bfC\u00f3mo se enamora a un hombre?>><\/em><\/p>\n \u2014Never close your eyes too tight; it will not free you from the feel of his stiff object on your fragile frame; only will it shun the light.<\/p>\n \u00bfQui\u00e9n me dijo que yo era demasiado? my desire to be seen and heard<\/p>\n undeserved?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00bfFue ese t\u00edo, el \u20b3ngelito? filthy hands that wandered my body \u00e9l que la familia protege <\/em> \u2014Porque si tienes novio eres cuero, pero si es familia hay que perdonar, o tratar de olvidar:<\/p>\n debes callar.<\/p>\n Seguimos con A-Rod el rubio con ojos claros: \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 ojal\u00e1 que su hija nunca pague <\/em> Seguimos con Fidel: \u00a0 but he said he loved me.<\/em> Seguimos con el Ch\u00e9: locked in basements. deprived of sleep. \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0how am I still alive?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a1Co\u00f1o! Pero, \u00bfhasta cu\u00e1ndo seguir\u00e9 con esta maldici\u00f3n? \u00bfQui\u00e9n me rob\u00f3 mi inocencia? I\u2019m here, but I\u2019m not, though.<\/em> I stand, but I\u2019m no longer present. Who am I if I\u2019m no longer I?<\/p>\n Who am I without my trauma? feared healing would surely \u2014Therapy, nor medication, can save me. I am broken. I have been all along.<\/p>\n Was I born defective? revel in this emptiness \u00a0whole?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" No siento nada, ni rencor, ni dolor, y mucho menos amor. Voy caminando, hablando, actuando, sin deseo alguno, sin gana alguna debo de seguir. Limpio la casa. Preparo a los ni\u00f1os. Te sirvo comida. Limpio la casa. Beso a los ni\u00f1os. Te empaco tu lonche para el trabajo. Lavo la ropa. Limpio la casa. Le […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":68,"featured_media":2779,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[78,883],"tags":[862,886,879,235],"yoast_head":"\n
\nmy laughter too loud?
\nmy thoughts too wild?
\nmy presence bothersome?
\nmy existence unwanted?<\/p>\n
\n(the one that smelled of beer)
\nun heladito para todas la sobrinas
\nevery summer at abuelas house?<\/p>\n
\nbefore I discovered my own touch
\nbefore knowing pleasure,
\nI first learned shame.<\/p>\n
\n\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0hasta hoy en d\u00eda<\/em><\/p>\n
\nmi primer novio,
\nel primer beso,
\nmi primera vez;
\nsaying no was not an option\u2014<\/span>
\na 15 a\u00f1os, aprend\u00ed de ilusi\u00f3n y decepci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n
\n\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 por los pecados de su padre.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nring on my finger,
\nslits on my wrists,
\nbottles of pills down my throat.
\nforced relations, bloody lips, broken ribs;
\nbarely 19, already a court hearing at play,<\/p>\n
\n|I pleaded they not lock him away|<\/p>\n
\nunfocused,
\nwith him;
\nwithout him,
\nI was barely a person.<\/p>\n
\nr\u00a0 i\u00a0 p\u00a0 p\u00a0 e\u00a0 d\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 a\u00a0 p\u00a0 a\u00a0 r\u00a0 t.
\nrefusing salvation.
\nI chose to be by his side.<\/p>\n\u00bfSeguimos? \u00bfSeguimos? \u00bfSeguimos? \u00bfSeguimos?<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n
\nLimpio la casa. me corto el pelo.
\nLimpio la casa. Escribo un cuento.
\nLimpio la casa. No hay raz\u00f3n para suplicar m\u00e1s de ah\u00ed.<\/p>\n
\n\u00bfo fue que la regal\u00e9?
\n\u00bfqu\u00e9 desperdici\u00e9?<\/p>\n
\nnurtured my wounds;
\nno, I\u2019m mistaken\u2014
\neagerly punctured gruesome sores.<\/p>\n
\n\u00a0erase me.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nam I flawed?
\ntoxic?
\ncarried this trait in my genes?
\no fue que me rompieron desde ni\u00f1a,
\nense\u00f1\u00e1ndome que no debo ser feliz?
\nDo I<\/p>\n
\nto perhaps avoid feeling<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.spanglishvoces.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/Yamberlie-Picture-Yamberlie-Tavarez-225x300.jpg\")
Yamberlie M. Tavarez is a Queens-born Dominican essayist, poet, and writing consultant. She works at the heart of literature, advocacy, and publishing, with a keen interest in fostering underrepresented voices and elevating Latinx writers. As a DWA editor, Yamberlie manages the #dwaCuenticos Project; as a mother, she is currently winging it as a SAHM with two-spirited humans, Ryan & Rylie.<\/p>\n